Words Concerning The Book of Faces

Heedest Thou Well My Council.

And so it is written concerning The Book of Faces:

Know ye that in the fullness of time, and from time to time, there shall appear before thee upon The Book of Faces entreaties from faces and names unfamiliar to thee and beseeching thy friendship, though ye know them not.

And while these faces be unfamiliar in thy sight, still do they seek ye out on the Book of Faces and clamor mightily for thy acceptance and attentions, while in truth they knowest thee not even themselves.

And yea, though they wouldest not recognize thy countenance in uncrowded chambers, nor even upon meeting thy gaze directly in the streets of thy town and public shops therein, still will they supplicate themselves upon thy Board of Messages, asking that they be recognized in thy sight and made worthy of thy favor.

I say unto thee now, beware! For once thy favor hath been bestowed unto them, so likewise shall they be granted the power to inscribe their own words upon thy Wall of Notations and lo, even to comment and mark their approval of thy own ruminations, though their words be as those of morons.

And verily I tell thee, though these stranger's vacuous and ceaseless commentary upon all manner of topics diverse and obscure may be as full of ignorance as are the bowels of the sheep of the field full of clover and succulent grasses, understand thee that though they know not whereof they speak that speak they will, and often without reason. So too will their writing be rich with spelling errors, and often their words arranged in such a manner as to defy all attempts at understanding.

Mine Eyes, They Doest Burn

Further, know ye also that not only will they make public on your Book of Faces their multitude of thoughts, so also shall they put forth images of their own countenances and figures, no matter how grotesque they may be, for all to behold and thus marvel at the inequities of genetics.

Likewise, so too shall they often share images of even their own offspring in all manner of heretofore private activities such as bathing, or eating of spaghetti in a manner untidy and repulsive in thy eyes. Heed me, and like them not, for such images are an abomination and thy validation will encourage them only unto further trespasses in thy sight.

Mark well my words, for they are spoken from experience of all such things which I have written here. I greatly implore thee henceforth to mind carefully how such friendships are accepted. Should ye bring these persons into thy fold without first appraising the content of the words inscribed upon the pages of their own Book of Faces is akin to inviting a plague of chattering locusts into thy own skull.

Thus endeth "Lamentations Concerning The Book of Faces, Chapter One, Verse One."

Episode 1: The Gathering Storm

PRESS RELEASE, FOR IMMEDIATE DISPERSAL TO ALL AGENCIES:

Signals of unusual activity within reach of the vast network of universal sensors operated by The Facility have been strangely inactive over the last several months, as evidenced by the the lack of updates on their publicly-accessible blog site recently. However, in the last two weeks researchers have noticed a faint but measurable rise in anomalous data output from remote detection devices here in our own terrestrial dimension.

Always anxious to react with as much immediacy as possible to potential incidences of inter-dimensional and/or extraterrestrial unpleasantness, Field Explorer Third Class, Clinton "Clint" Kowalski (advanced trainee, clearance level 4b), was dispatched by The Facility to travel the many miles necessary to reach a remote Utah canyon where several unusual readings had been detected.

"The signals we were receiving from the remote sensors weren't overtly alarming," said Dr. Quentin Bloor, director of The Facility. "Quite honestly, we anticipated that when investigated they would prove to be nothing more than geo-magnetic 'static', perhaps from underlying metal ores uncovered by recent flash-flooding in the area. But then, Kowalski just... vanished."

As a result of fragments of the contents recovered from the memory card of a damaged digital camera (see attached digital file) discovered by a group a hikers in the area, Bloor and other officials at The Facility have re-assessed their diagnosis, noting that the flooding may have uncovered more than just the signals of "a few naturally-occuring magnetic lodestones."

A team of specialists, led by Robert "Rock" Abslab, head of security for The Facility, has been dispatched to the canyon to determine the whereabouts of the missing explorer.

"Right now we're hoping this is a [censored] rescue mission, rather than a [censored] bag-and-tag operation," said Abslab, speaking by satellite phone from the depths of the canyon. "The footage we recovered shows he's close to [censored] losing it at times. Kowalski was [censored] tough. Real tough. So if there was something here strong enough to [censored] take him and his [censored] mind out . . . well, we're [censored] concerned."

While hesitant to issue a Level Three Alarm, officials at The Facility are advising residents in the states of Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and New Mexico to report any bizzarre lights in the sky, freakishly large earthworms, birds that resemble a flying octopus, and unexplainable yet strangely pleasurable tingling in their pre-frontal cortexes.

The attached video has been cleared for public release by The Facility. Some audiences may find the footage disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.